No report from the 1st XI. As the lad Kipling once said, If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same then you should be able to put together a few words to describe what happened.

And nothing from the 3s – can any of you lot actually write?

But what’s this? The first ever match report from Delmore. Read on, cricket fans, read on…

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1s

Southgate v North Middlesex

North Middlesex won by 3 wickets

Southgate 156 all out (52.5 overs)

North Middlesex 160-7 (46 overs)

report to come

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2s

Barnes v Southgate

Match drawn

Southgate 190-9 (50 overs)

Barnes 190-9 (50 overs)

The 2^nd XI arrived at the picturesque Barnes CC in their now customary ‘sporadic’ fashion, which has recently evolved to include the absence of multiple players at the time of the toss. This tactical ploy to force our hand into batting first when we win the toss might have to be reassessed if we are ever asked to take the field with seven players.

Luckily we were spared this fate for another week, and P Robinson and D Pyzer-Knapp strode out to the middle as the remaining team members arrived. Unfortunately it wasn’t too long before the latter was striding back, but Robinson was in fine form, stroking bad balls to the fence and calmly negotiating the better stuff. Support was offered by M Joseph, who played an effective if never fluent innings, and at drinks the Trees found themselves on 90/1. In the over after drinks Joseph decided that enough was enough and ran himself out in farcical fashion, departing for 40. Robinson wasn’t too far behind, pulling a slow left-arm long hop in loopy fashion to mid on. When S Ellis’s dismissal meant that three wickets had gone down for less than 20 runs, minds turned to the previous week when 90/2 had been converted to 135 all out. Previously, conversation had been buoyant – a game of “Former Test Umpires – Dead or Alive?” produced “David Shepard?”… “DEAD!”; “Dicky Bird?”… “ALIVE!”; Dave Orchard… “Oooh, tricky one” (he’s alive at the time of writing) – but now a nervy hush descended over our benches.

We needn’t have worried. Useful quick-fire contributions from the middle/lower order – R Bynoe 18, V Katyal 16, T Rowe 15 and S Faruqi 15 – helped us to the competitive total of 190/9 when the Skip called the final pair in at 50 overs. However, our strength in depth was nothing compared to what we were presented with at the interval. Tea opened up with a solid top order in the mould of a Ploughman’s  – French bread and soft rolls accompanied by ham, salami, brie, cheddar, salad and pâté. The stylish middle order comprised of sausage rolls, scones, malt loaf and a cameo from a pork pie. The swashbuckling tail closed the innings with a glittering array of cakes and fruit.

Unsurprisingly, A Carr declined the new ball, instead opting to consume a handful of sausage rolls for 10 overs at mid on. During this time we managed to dismiss one of their opening pair, in the midst of a frankly poor fielding display in which mistakes and lazy efforts were rife. O Ali and T Rowe were replaced by A Carr and R Bynoe and we managed to stem a flow of runs that had started to come too freely. The newly added pressure started to reap rewards and we went in to the drinks break knowing that we were well in the game.

S Faruqi came on after the break and his leg spin partnered with the offspin of R Bynoe (17-2-2-45) provided a crucial 10 overs during which the required run rate rose to five per over, and wickets fell to leave the last of their batsman and the first of their tail at the crease. The latter was their captain who bears more than a passing resemblance to darts giant Andy “The Viking” Fordham and on a small ground it seemed likely that at some point he would bludgeon a six. With the oppo still requiring five an over the six came and R Bynoe was swiftly removed from the attack, leaving O Ali (10-2-44-2) and A Carr (14-4-44-4) with the tasks of finishing proceedings. We entered the last five overs needing two wickets for victory and Barnes needing around 25 runs. The tension was palpable and panicked attempted run outs and desperate appeals ensured an exciting climax for the neutrals (of which there were none. Including their umpire. That’s not fair; he wasn’t a cheat, he just wasn’t very good).

A Carr took a wicket in his final over, meaning we needed to keep the last pair to six or less in the last over to grab 4 points, or take 1 wicket for all 10. O Ali bowled a no-ball early on, which gave them a sniff (Ohms had the 2^nd XI player of the year wrapped up in mid-June, so you can’t really criticise him for this), and it came down to Barnes needing two off the last ball for victory. They scrambled a single, which meant that both sides had scored 190/9 from 50 overs.

After much deliberation it was decided that this was not in fact a tie, instead just an equal run-rate draw. It was a brilliant game played between two sides playing in the right spirit, and three points apiece was probably the right result. However, it was pointed out by A Carr afterwards that it would have been in the interest of both sides for the oppo to have gone for a second run off the last ball and been run out, causing a tie and therefore 5 points for each side. Max Joseph

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3s

Harrow v Southgate

Match drawn

Harrow 230-6 (51 overs)

Southgate 152-7 (49 overs)

report to come

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4s

Southgate v Lohana

match drawn

Lohana 235 all out (45.3 overs)

Southgate 141-5 (46 overs)

I think the game was a good match and Southgate play well and two catches which they never walked for but Southgate bats very well and I Dell bowler got two wicket and A Rolt caught slip and D Gordon bats very well also and I Henley bats very well also but it was a good game. Delmore Walters

Doug has added some qualifying points about a game where there were clearly elements of  controversy. Without prejudice, it helps reflect the pleasure of the day and makes us realise what a wonderful game cricket is and why we all love playing it. Ricky Gunn

The two issues were:

-          Opener didn’t walk after gloving it, but then bowler or wicketkeeper didn’t appeal. (As an aside, Marcello didn’t walk when he got a much more obvious edge and Del didn’t give him out. You could say this was a response to the first incident, but not exactly the moral high ground.)

-          Their captain talked incessantly. Mark Hughes had an argument with him but they made up. (BTW Mark batted really well). It meant that Ian Henley and I pulled away several times as the bowler ran in. Henley sorted him out by asking him when he should take his stance for several balls and he got the message.

They were very gobby. The result was that Henley batted for a draw with 20 overs to go when he would have normally had a slog. Hence they got a draw and not a win.

The highlight was when one of the main verbal protagonists dropped a dolly catch. Henley said to him ‘well at least your sledging is better than your catching’. Doug Gordon

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