1s available for garden maintenance duties, preferential rates available on request  ** 2s get beyond 130 – but lose ** 3s fold at Brentham  ** Delmore guides 4s to victory  ** we have a Sunday team!

1st XI Middlesex County Cricket League, division 1
Southgate v South Hampstead  – match drawn. Southgate 4 points

Southgate 276-6 dec (50 overs) Durgacharan 72, Crease 69, Allan 63
South Hampstead 250-8 (50 overs)

At 9.30am on Saturday morning a most odd spectacle took place on the tennis court boundary of the front pitch. Messers Tarters and Athers arrived red-eyed and swaying clutching bottles of Lucozade and begging Sue to whip up bacon butties pronto. Sporting nothing but fabulous gardening gloves the duo staggered over to the far boundary grumbling as they did so about Americans who didn’t like karaoke. Adopting a yoga-like crouching position and much to the bemusement of the ladies doubles match looking on, the boys started unleashing Café Petron fumes all over the bushes. In Agent Orange-like scenes the bushes wilted away as the poisonous tequila / coffee whiff took control of the foliage revealing decades of cricket balls since lost following errant leg side bunts. Then came along a film crew and a semi-naked hunk wielding a power tool to finish off the job*.

And so to the game. South Hampstead always raise their standards for Southgate and Saturday was to be no different. With the regular skipper DJing at a Russian wedding it was up to yours truly to take the reigns. It was hot and the pitch looked flatter than flat. Knowing that we would have a better chance of getting 10pts by batting second, but desperate not to chase leather around a baked Walker ground, it was a good toss to lose. Remarkably, South Hampstead won it and inserted us.

As a salivating Durgacharan strode to the crease the rest of us hid in the shade of the club house with the assembled Southgate honoured members who were enjoying some early afternoon Merlot. Sadly, Jouning departed first ball to a good one that bounced and swung and a slightly unnerved Athers joined Alvin in the middle. The boys however managed to dispatch the loose deliveries and negotiate the early pressure, Alvin in particular looking a million dollars. It became increasingly apparent that the pitch was even flatter than thought and with an outfield like glass a big score was required. With centuries beckoning both Athers and Alv managed to get out leaving Creese to push the score on. What can I say? The man looked quality, again, unleashing one beautiful reverse sweep biff much to the delight of a basking Hoff.

Useful cameos came from Faisal and Hadgie and at 276 off 50 overs the skip decided we had had enough cricket and that it was time for the traditional South Hampstead half-time infighting entertainment section. This year’s treat was a team punch up in the car park which ended in the Southgate judges calling it a draw awarding two rounds to each brawler. A rematch is planned in May 2011.

Following fantastic vinegary and restorative chips (thanks Sue) the boys strode out in search of 10 points but knowing that full and straight bowling discipline would be required. Poor old Tarters’ shoulder malfunctioned after three balls and Tommy Yoemans manfully stepped in to the breach. However the SH boys were not going to die wondering and soon were 50-0 in no time. An inspired** captaincy move saw Fais posted to the long cow boundary in the sixth over only for the opener to biff one down his throat first ball. Seeing that Faisal had the golden touch the big man came on for his best and quickest spell of the season dragging the game back in our favour, SH soon 80-5. Bowling straight and full Faisal was excellent and I look forward to seeing more of this next weekend at Enfield. With Creesey going through his repertoire at the bottom end it and wickets being picked up by Vinny at the other, it looked like Southgate would cross the line. Cue tee-off from the Australian pro and an emboldened number 10. All of a sudden the ball was going everywhere and the skipper didn’t have a clue***.

With our bowling attack wilting in the sun, SH were cruising at 10 runs an over and had 276 in their sights. I wished we hadn’t cut those *(&*ing bushes as we tried in vein to slow their momentum.  Thankfully a few tight overs from Hadge and they shut up shop with 12 balls to go, happy with one point. To be fair both played extremely well, their pro ending 124*, but we never really looked like taking 10 wickets. Something to consider for the even flatter Enfield next week.

However we’re still in the mixer thanks to results elsewhere showing just how even the division is this year. Three more wickets in the last two games however would have got us up in to a promotion spot; hopefully we can sneak over the line this Saturday.

Thanks to everyone who came to Gilgamesh for an over priced but enjoyable evening afterwards. Apologies to all of those who myself and Creesey left behind. You missed a great impromptu 4am BBQ…

Tom Allan

* Lots of bad in-jokes there but a huge thank you to all of those who helped cutting back the hedge on Saturday morning. A great effort for a few hours pre match in the heat and much appreciated by all of those who now won’t have to risk life and limb trying to retrieve balls down there.

** desperate

*** that’s more like it.

2nd XI Middlesex County Cricket League, division 1, second teams
Stanmore v Southgate  – Stanmore won by 6 wickets. Southgate 0 points

Southgate 224-8  (55 overs) Robinson 89

Stanmore 225-4 (38 overs)

You might be forgiven for drawing a parallel between the Greek economy and Southgate second XI this season – being as we both are rock bottom of our respective league tables. You might also be forgiven for assuming that Southgate second XI has entered a ‘double dip’ – after the heady heights of a single point two weeks ago against Brondesbury, two further losses against Teddington and Stanmore have deflated the Southgate balloon. But that’s where the similarities end. Southgate second XI is  not structurally unsound, there is no infighting or scandal (or not that anyone’s told me about!), and we still stand a chance of getting out of our current predicament. But it’ll have to wait until next week before the recovery starts.

The bare facts tell the story: Southgate 224-8 off 55, Stanmore 225-4 off 39. There were, however, several bright spots. Firstly, we had more viewers than a James Corden post-match World Cup report – one naked man behind the covers, four seniors sheltering under a tree, and a rather boisterous one-year-old dog that Deano befriended after he’d bitten the umpire’s wife (the dog, not Deano.)

Also, Southgate got past their hoodoo of the 130s (six consecutive matches not scoring more than 130, whether all out or not, doesn’t usually indicate table topping form). Vikas would tell you it was because he superstitiously lifted his legs off the ground for the entire time we were in the 130s, the scorebook will tell you it was because Paddy hit another couple of delightful fours.

Paddy played an excellent innings. After losing Jamie Wilson at 35-1 he battened down the hatches and with Deano’s experienced assistance, batted extremely well to ensure that Southgate posted a defendable total. I say experience, Deano can always judge a single, after one such single, Deano asked Paddy if it was a reasonable run, to which Paddy replied “fine”, and Deano as if self-confirming his ability to judge, justified it further: “good… it was four yards to the fielder’s left hand”, to which Paddy replied, “but he’s left-handed”, “Oh” came the reply, “Well, just carry on”. Paddy provided the rock that has been so often missing in the last few weeks, batting for 40 overs in amassing 89 was a great effort. Deano also batted well, hitting some trademark lifted cover drives in making 45 and the two of them took Southgate to 160-1 and laid a platform for the rest to follow. Some cameos and unselfish contributions from the middle order took Southgate up to 224, and some much needed, extremely juicy melon for tea.

A tight and disciplined start was required if we were to restrict the home team – ‘Top of off,’ as Mr Hartman would say. Unfortunately, they got off to a flyer – 40-0 off 6. Both openers batted well and survived some useful bowling from Gravesy and Anand, who moved it both ways and regularly beat the bat. Unfortunately, a couple of half chances didn’t go our way, and they were able to keep the momentum up as they got to 100-0 off 18. Paddy then brought himself on and immediately took a couple of wickets, one the product of an excellent catch from Dino in the deep. At 160-3, there was a sniff, but sadly, Stanmore were not obliging with a Jean Van de Velde-type collapse, and despite a wicket from Vikas, their captain’s useful leading edge helped contributed 40 and helped them achieve their target with six overs to spare.

Unlike certain European economies, the foundations in the Southgate second team are solid. If you look around the dressing room we have the players to match every side in the league, we are not lacking effort or commitment and we all enjoy each others’ company;  the issue is that, despite best intentions, not enough players are managing to produce top form. But escape acts, in sport at least, are not impossible, it will turn around, we will have our chances, and we need to be ready to take them. Stanmore played well and probably deserved the win, and we will come up against significantly weaker sides in the upcoming weeks.  I’m optimistic already, Paul the Octopus has chosen us to win next week, so that’s good news!

Mark ‘Pistol Pete’ Singers

3rd XI Middlesex County Cricket League, division 3, third teams

Brentham  v Southgate  – Brentham won by 7wickets. Southgate 0 points

Southgate 119 all out (45.3 overs)

Brentham 120-3 (33.3 overs)

No report

4th XI 1987 League, division 2
Southgate v North London – Southgate won by 2 wickets. Southgate 10 points

North London 152 all out  (45.1 overs) Stokes 6-57

Southgate 153-8 (39.5 overs) Delmore 1 not out

Southgate 4’s biggest crowd of the season came to watch Delmore Walters finally secure his role as 4th XI finisher in this league fixture. It was irrelevant that most of them had come to see Macbeth, they were there when Del showed how to finish off the opposition.

It was the hottest day in living memory at the Walker Ground and there was no doubt this was a batting day. It seems strange in retrospect that the ball did so well. SCC lost the toss. Many apologies were offered to our batsmen and we took to the field. Josh Berman and Roy Marett opened for Southgate. Roy was his usual consistent self and bowled 11 miserly overs. Josh got his ends wrong at first but came back to bowl intelligently at the death. Special congratulations to Julius Thomson who bowled a magnificent spell for a lad so young. It was Julius who picked up the key wicket of their young opening bat. Their lad played well for 33, but we did drop him twice, the only blemishes on an otherwise excellent fielding display.

The wicket and the situation were made for the Southgate captain and, frankly, anything less than five wickets would have let the team down. Two smart catches off outside edges from wicketkeeper Gunn somewhat glossed over the fact that 3,4,5 and 7 all got bowled by straightbreaks. They have been better in the past and will be again.

When we batted, it seemed that Burrows, Gunn, Dowsett and Mceachern all had tickets for the theatre as we rattled along at five an over. Oppo left armer Cropley, who was a real handful in the earlier fixture, proved slightly too quick for Mark Hughes and we found ourselves five down still needing 50. Stavri and Marett steadied the ship before North London realised that if Lord Straightbreak can get it off the straight and narrow then it must be a bunsen. On came the off spinner who accounted for Stavri and Berman, leaving the SCC skipper to knock off the winning runs. A couple of trademark biffs later and the scores were level. With a great sense of the theatrical, and absolutely no intent whatsoever, Stokes threw it away with the scores level. Enter stage right Delmore Walters to play his match-winning cameo.

A thoroughly professional win, 10 valuable points and only two questionable umpiring decisions.

Lord Straightbreak (aka Len Stokes)

Sunday match, 4 July

Southgate XI v Clifton XI – Clifton won by 30 runs

Clifton 146 all out in 28 overs
Southgate 116-10 in 29 overs

Discounting pre-season friendlies on ominously cold April mornings and first XI hammerings in cup matches, this game was only the third Sunday fixture of the season. It would have been the first, had Gunny not fought tirelessly in the days before our home and away fixtures versus Wembley, so as not to disappoint the legendary Charlie Meyers. Compare this to the other Southgates, Adelaide and Compton, incomparable in size, yet both enthused with enough motivation to ensure two regular Sunday sides at each club is a norm.

The Clifton game, however, was the second Sunday match in a row and perhaps, like 4th XI fixture fulfilment four weeks previously, things have begun to turn around. Seven of last Sunday’s side played the week before against Wembley and six of them are available to play next week as well. A base for this team, of similar structure to the long-forgotten development XI, is beginning to emerge, and we are all benefiting from the additional games. And against Clifton, it really was a development XI. Eight of the side were under the age of 22 and three are still playing in our Colts teams. The strength of the team is inevitably varied (from Dunnett to Delmore), but the focus will obviously be on giving everybody an equal and enjoyable game.

Tedious mission statement over, now onwards with the report.

Travelling from north Hertfordshire, the Clifton captain was held up in traffic and arrived 30 minutes late. A shortened game of 35 overs per side was agreed (a certain quadrennial football match in mind), and to conform to laws of probability I won my second adult coin toss, thus ensuring an unarguably average 50% record.

I opted to field, giving the new ball to Rohan De Silva and David Huntingford. Both bowlers found good lengths and bowled some terrific deliveries, David bowling a late inswinger that cannoned into the opener’s middle stump, and Rohan getting two, the first a true test match wicket, an edges drive caught behind by Will Temple, who kept admirably on a difficult wicket. His second – not quite as poetic – a skied slog to the captain at mid-off.

Add to this a comical run out, and 12 overs in when I made the first bowling change we had them at 40-4. The well worked on, swinging ball was then lost into the flats by their slogger at number six. Imran Ahmad did not mind though, as the replacement they provided deviated viciously off the seam, bowling numbers five and seven. 80-6, and the unexpected risk of not having enough to chase was now ominous. At 110-6 Imran finished, as did 13 year-old Callum De Silva (after an extremely controlled spell which would have been increased had Middlesex regulations not forced it to end), enter game accelerators Delmore and Aman. Del’s first ball was worked into the leg side for a single. The second, a perfect line and length (off spin from a Michael Holding run-up) drew the batsman forward in defence, before nipping between bat and pad to remove the bails. Balls 3 to 6 yielded just 1 more run. 112-7, great acceleration Del.

The slogger hit a few more sixes before being bowled by the accurate Aman. The number nine, who also hit the ball hard, played a piece of village cricket by slog-sweeping aerially to the longest boundary which was under patrol by three fielders. Robert Dawson-Goodey, a new player whom those of you playing at the beginning of the season will remember batting well against us with David Woffinden for Old Owens, took the catch very comfortably. They eventually succumbed to 146 all out, Aman finishing with the figures of 3-14.

Our reply didn’t get off to the greatest of starts. The pitch somehow seemed far worse when we batted – any ball that you could not get to the pitch of presented the problem ‘in which direction will this one bounce’. Perhaps there was some logic in the cross-batted hoiks they played after all – batting technically our top five all failed to make a meaningful score. Phil, Partha, Paul and Will all got done by balls that moved off the seam and Robert unfortunately hit a full toss to mid-off. He does, however look like a very accomplished cricketer. 62-5.

The cost of having a bowl was a relegation to number six, where Aman played beautifully from the start. Advancing down the wicket to reach the ball, he drove fluently in challenging conditions and took the attack to Clifton. Unfortunately, Imran, David and Delmore added little support in the lower order and we continued to crumble. 80-8. Callum De Silva came in at ten and played confidently for 12 including a one bounce four over mid-wicket off a spinner. When he fell, caught at mid-off, I looked up from square-leg expecting to see his dad, Rohan, making his way to the wicket. Instead, I saw Delmore.  No, he was not attempting to have a second bat. Rohan, a relatively new playing member, who had hurt his leg in the field had deemed Del the most appropriate runner and together (Rohan helmetless, Del’s head fully covered), they made their way to the wicket.

In fact, there was no comical run-out and Delmore performed his job admirably. Aman was eventually stumped, advancing one too many times, and Rohan was left not out on two. We ended up losing by 30 runs yet nobody cared and, as we left with unnecessary speed to catch the opening kick (there was an entire 116 minutes before the goal after all), I felt glad to be involved in this team. Hopefully this is just the start, more of you will give ‘yes,yes’ availability. Sunday cricket at all three Southgate’s can be the norm. Paul Lassman

And finally

The report from the 4th XI’s game against Acton has come back from the lawyers. It now looks like this

Southgate Brobdingnagians 187-4d (50 overs) Gargantua Gunn108*

Acton Lilliputians 188-7 (40.4 overs) wides 73 not out

Gargantua Gunn strode to the wicket to open the Southgate innings with the full-size bat looking like a twig against his 26 foot tall frame. He was accompanied by Goliath Gordon, who is slightly taller at 27 feet 11 ½ inches. Goliath Gordon and Darth Dowsett (a mere 18 feet tall) came and went to be replaced by the smallest member of our team, Behemoth Berman (just 11 feet 7) who is developing already into a useful all-rounder. When Josh was unluckily adjudged LBW, the mighty Greek mythical monster Mike Kraken Stavri strode to the wicket. This was Mike at his absolute best, with daring drives and swishing cuts going to all parts of the back ground. Mike raced to 24 while the Gunnmeister notched yet another century for Southgate.

Our two young bowlers – Josh Berman andy Julius Thomson – both bowled superbly. Indeed, their performances would have been the centrepiece of this report had it not been for Gunn’s century. After they departed Stokes came on and had two massive shouts for LBW that were turned down, and then something very unusual happened. Their Aussie danced down the track, missed the ball, Gunny removed the bails and Doug congratulated him. ‘Not out,’ said the square leg umpire. Cue much indignation from the senior pros, but the umpire was adamant (Actually, I think Adam ant would have done a better job) Goliath Gordon is a very difficult man to irritate, but the bolts in his neck were glowing white hot with rage. I guessed from this we may have been a tad unlucky with the decision. Next ball the Aussie walked down the wicket and hit it straight up in the air. A very long way up in the air actually, but as I am 375 feet tall it arrived at shoulder height and was pouched. An Aussie giving his wicket away just because he was already out? Surely not.

Josh and Julius bowled very well at the other end and picked up five wickets between them. Josh also took two excellent catches and asked all the right questions about where to bowl when asked to bowl at the death. Shivraj fielded well and was next man in when the declaration came. He will definitely bat higher the next time he plays. Many thanks to VP Peter Madden for turning out at the last minute and, as ever, to Delmore.

Captain Grumpy (XXL size) aka Len Stokes

And finally 2

There was a lunch at the club on Saturday 10 July for Honorary Members, Vice Presidents and former Presidents hosted by Peter Chadwick. Thirty-five people came along and enjoyed a jolly trip down memory lane. Before lunch, the new seat by the oak tree outside the groundsman’s cottage was officially “opened” and the small crowd drank a toast to the memory of the late Jim Conroy. The gallery section of the website has a few photographs of the day for you to enjoy.

And finally 3

Southgate 1st XI play Enfield this coming Saturday. It’s our neighbour’s President’s Day so a warm welcome awaits supporters who go along to cheer on Rob and the lads. An even warmer welcome awaits if you take a pencil along and do a bit of scoring.

And finally 4

Please pay your subs if you haven’t already done so. We’re more than halfway through the season and it’s frankly very tedious to have to remind people to pay up.

And finally 5

I think I’ve uploaded some new pictures onto the website – the 1st XI doing Carry on Gardening and the launch of the new seat at the Walker Ground (and a nice tribute to Jim Conroy).