Club Helmets Available

Southgate embroidered helmets (like the ones RJ, Dunnett, Creese and Alvin have)

£100 with titanium grill

£65 with steel grill

£45 without grill

£45 junior size with grill

Please contact Rob J for more info

Bugle 03 – 26 May

Build it and they will come… Match reports are like buses. You get none for weeks and then they all come at once… Whatever the reason there’s much to enjoy here as the Southgate scribes get into their stride

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Rob’s bad words and Mo Farah’s Olympics training regime

1st XI

Teddington v Southgate

Teddington won by 10 wickets

Southgate 212-7 (66 overs)

Alvin Durgacharan 60

Matt Creese 55*

Teddington 213-0 (46.2overs)

James Keightley 115*

Chris Paget 92*

Historically the road trip to Teddington’s picturesque ground in Bushey Park is renowned as one of the more challenging away fixtures in the Middlesex League, and the 1st XI’s latest visit proved no exception.

Despite the captain’s plea for early departures the inevitable half a dozen Southgate began their pre-match preparation half an hour after the home side, with the Teddington boys looking sharp in British Racing Green training attire.

On a gloriously sunny day the ground looked an absolute picture as captain Rob Johnson won the toss and asked Teddington to field first on a good looking pitch. A match-day programme was delivered to the dressing room containing details of both teams, the scores from our last meeting (circa 2008) and a fascinating Q & A with their tea lady, Danielle.

Hadgie arrived after a 30-minute tour of Bushey Park as Creese, who travels a reasonable distance for a game, was still nowhere to be seen. Facebook confirmed he’d recently ‘checked in’ at Kew Bridge so we knew he’d be along in due course.

For the second game running the experienced opening pair of Jamie Jouning and Alvin Durgacharan provided an excellent start against Teddington’s new-ball attack of Charlie Hopkins and their Australian Nick Elsmore.

Jouning continued his fine form of the previous week with three crisp boundaries, but fell as he picked out the cover point fielder with a well struck, but fatally lofted, drive. Durgacharan looked in equally excellent touch and with James Watkins took the score past 50 in good style. With a few bowlers missing for Teddington the economical medium pacer Will Clough had been promoted to the 1st XI and he made the next breakthrough with a good out swinger that found the edge of Watkins’ blade.

Former Derbyshire and Durham MCCU off spinner Chris Padget applied the brakes effectively and duly collected the wickets of Johnson, flicking firmly to midwicket, and Mir who was caught at slip, both for single figures.

Creese came in at 6 and combined well with Alvin to take the Trees to lunch. Meatballs was a strong effort from the Danielle the tea lady and right up there with Mrs Reingold’s homemade chicken pie from the previous Saturday.

Post lunch, Johnson made Bad comment number 1 while observing a fairly professional looking runner whizz past at good speed by casually remarking: “He looks a fit lad.” This may now be regarded as something of an understatement as we soon realised he was in fact very fit indeed as Phil Dunnett rapidly and eloquently intimated: “That’s Mo Farah you ***t Jonners”

Mo gave a smile and a wave then disappeared off into the distance as Alvin and Matt resumed. Both played well, with the former reaching a well-made half century, but Alvin’s dismissal on 60, chipping the spinner to mid-on, was a hammer blow.

Enter Hadgie, who promptly took the attack to the Teddington spinner, hitting several sweetly-timed drives down the ground and scoring at a fast rate. For the second week in succession he looked like he was changing the game with positive stoke play and soon the field changed and the bowling rotated. As Creese continued to accumulate at his own pace Hadgie was deceived by a slower ball and bowled for 31 from 41. Hadgie’s positive intent was mirrored by the in-form Tom Yeomans, who once again played nicely through the covers before being bowled for 17.

With time and overs running out we were unable to up the rate against some tidy bowling and finished on 212/7 in 66 overs, with Matt unbeaten on 55. For the second week running we’d batted reasonably well and for the entirety of the overs, but we were short of a truly competitive score.

But 212 gave us something to bowl at and Faisal was given the new ball with Hadgie. In an excellent spell Faisal had one good shout for lbw, but Keightley and Padget played well and hit bad balls to the fence nicely. Disaster struck when Hadgie had to leave the field with a split webbing on his hand to be replaced by Carmi Le Roux in a pair of ill-fitting emergency cricket trousers.

At 5pm it was time for the tea interval with Teddington cruising and yet to offer a chance. However, there was still a long way to go and Johnson wanted his men primed and ready to resume on time after a little too much tea had been taken the week before. Cue Bad Comment number 2 from the captain.

RJ: What time are we back out there, Umps?

Umpire: 20 past 5

RJ: “Right lads, you all heard that so make sure we’re all ready to go.”

Despite this we still managed to start our post-tea team talk a man light, but with Carmi having found a bit more cricket kit to wear we resumed.

Danielle’s buffet has been devoured pretty quickly and the Teddington lads were still fairly hungry for some runs, with Southgate’s spin trio offering enough balls to put away. James Keightley hit a century and Chris Padget 92 and they won a handsome and well-deserved 10 points. It was a chanceless and seemingly inevitable chase without any hint of trouble and a thoroughly professional effort from Teddington throughout the day.

Bad comment number 3 came towards the end of the chase as captain Johnson lost his temper with Creese and Mir for their incessant discussions in the covers about a recent shopping expedition.

RJ: “Can you talk about your ******g shopping after the game lads”

It’s a great challenge playing in the top league and we’ve learnt a great deal from the three games we’ve played so far. Teddington were well drilled and played very good cricket on Saturday, we can learn a lot from this, starting with Hampstead at the Walker Ground on Saturday.

Bad comment number 4 from the skipper was in a kebab shop in Islington at 03:30, but you had to be there… Rob Johnson

The complete scorecard for this match can be found at:

http://southgate.play-cricket.com/scoreboard/scorecard.asp?id=11392841

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Donkeys battle to a draw

2nd XI

Southgate v Edmonton

Match drawn

Edmonton 253-4 (50 overs)

Southgate 134-9 (50 overs)

Saturday was momentous. Not just because I nicked off early for the 121st time, but because I sent my first tweet. LOL, ct bhnd, wot a fool #batsmanfail.  Having established that not everyone on Twitter is a racist, I shall now put my “If you silence a donkey, it will still comment on an online message board” theory to the test below.  Hoof away readers…

Following two convincing victories in the opening matches, Carr rightly had confidence in the 2s’ ability to chase a score. The 254 target we eventually faced turned out to be double our capabilities. We did little wrong in the field: Berman and Abdul bowled with good control with the new ball, but as the shine came off, it was clear that restriction and building pressure would be the key to a chaseable total. Unfortunately we failed to build this control as the Edmonton number three proceeded to a chanceless hundred. Just occasionally we encounter someone way out of the 2s league, let alone the 3rd division of such league, but as he planted the ball over the scorebox, the sightscreens and into the oaks, he made the game look very easy.

I used donkey above as that’s exactly what I felt like after 50 overs broiling in searing heat, braying for water, braying for penne alla aqua arrabiata, praying for a decent start. The last thing Ellis said to me as we walked out was, “The last thing we want is to be 20/2 off 10” and that’s exactly where we were.  Robinson slashed at a wide one and Joseph was one of the few to be undone by a good nut.

At 85/6 from 25, the situation had barely improved, but Berman and Lassman dug in and fashioned a 20-over, 35-run partnership from little more than 2lb 9oz of willow and a far weightier chunk of patience. Seasons can hinge on such minutiae: indeed, that stand could be very important come September. With Lassman lbw with four overs to go, we endured the odd scare, but finished solidly on 134/9 and flattered the first change bowler with 7/28.

Clinging on for a point brought back all too frequent memories of the past three seasons in the 2s. However, rather than hanging by a thread, I suspect Edmonton will be among the stronger of the sides we face this season, so not giving away 10 points was crucial. Paddy Robinson

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3s do a Boycott (and a Dravid)

3rd XI

Southgate v Shepherds Bush

match drawn

Shepherds Bush 314-5 dec (?? overs)

Southgate 153-3 (?? overs)

It’s a question that has crossed the mind of most cricketers since the launch of the first 20/20 match in 2004: will this new format of cricket, designed for the masses, change the face of cricket forever? Well, ladies and gentlemen, the question has been answered in the 3rd XI’s first league home game of the season.

This match had everything for the neutrals. Sadly the only spectator was some fat bloke who had travelled to cheer along the visitors. This match had 20/20, 50-over and Test match all rolled into one. So sit back (as the majority of the 3rd XI did during the match) and enjoy this report.

On a sunny day with clear skies and a nice breeze the 3rd XI turned up one by one to entertain the visitors from Shepherds Bush. Fresh from a bludgeoning defeat last week, the game plan was to stuff the team with batsmen, all 11 of them (debatable…), bat first, and then later on bowl them out with spin. Unfortunately the toss was lost and the Bush batted. Roy Marett and Dave Huntingford opened the bowling. The opening four overs yielded approximately 24 runs. Then Dave got the opener out and, next ball, the number three – the ball hit the bat, trickled to the stumps and dislodged a bail, while the batsmen was trying to kick the ball away for dear life.

The next batsman proceeded to hit a few to cow corner, but not enough muscle to clear the ropes. He also had an Ealing cap on. Dave accounted for his scalp to claim his third wicket, the batsmen trudging off making caveman-type snarls that even Len Stokes would have been proud off. At that stage, it looked like an early one as Roy bowled economically as usual. After the opening bowlers tired, the spinners Nadeem and Karim came on. At this stage, the sun was high in the sky, the pitch resembled the Serengeti during the dry season and the batsmen were scoring with ease. The opening batsman scored 90 runs to take the total to approximately 160 for 3. Mike Carter replaced Nadeem and took the fourth wicket to leave the Bush 190 for 4 and us sensing we could restrict them to a competitive total. Alas, their number six batsmen had other ideas and produced what was deemed to be one of the most extraordinary batting performances ever seen at the back pitch. It was obvious from the first ball he faced that he was not a third-team player as he dispatched the reliable Roy and Dave’s bowling to all parts of the ground. In one over, he hit three 6s in a row with ease. Doubts began to surface as to the eligibity of this player. His excuse is that being an overseas player, he can’t get into the first team as there is a better player there. There was no point fielding as all he did was clear the boundary ball after ball, while the Southgate players digging in the bushes to retrieve the ball. He finished on 108 not out in approximately 40 balls and a fitting tribute to the IPL final the next day.

The glum hosts jogged to the pavillion clearly shellshocked by what has been witnessed. But after a lovely tea, finished off with strawberry cake (I observed a member of our team devour two slices…), the Trees trudged back to the ground with one game plan. To do a Chelsea. Park the bus. To do a Geoffrey Boycott.

Last week’s inefficient batting display meant that Southgate did not want to capitulate in the same manner again. No matter how tempting the ball, how high the pie in the sky, the tactic was to stick the willow in front of it and tap it back to the bowler. After the early wicket of el capitan, Asif Raja on his debut and Mark Hughes were at the crease. Every ball was defended stoutly, with the scoring rate upped by a few no balls from the opposition (those few turned out to be 50+ no balls in the end!)

With every defiant block, the Bush fielders could see victory slipping away. After the dismissal of Asif, Karim joined in the fun at the crease, blocking away. The guy with the Ealing CC cap quipped ‘This is the most f**king boring game of f**king cricket ever’, to which the author replied ‘A bit like your batting performance, then eh buddy?’. The chap got a couple of overs to bowl some very high, slow beamers, to which Karim holed out to mid off. However, the umpire gave it a no ball, plus a towel to clear the ball from all the snow it gathered while in orbit. At this point, the score was 80 runs off 40 overs and Delmore, fresh from the cancelled game, decided to help out with the umpiring.

After sensing that a) the batsmen wanted to impress the great man and b) Delmore will never give anyone out, the run rate upped slightly as Karim lashed out to all parts of the ground and making the Bush chase leather. Mark, still batting, hit a couple of rare shots. Eventually Karim got bored and got out. Anton, having sat in his pads for 45 overs was under strict instructions to not hit anything and he duly complied. Mark Hughes finished the game unbeaten on 35 runs from 50 overs and in tribute mode to Geoffrey Boycott or Rahul Dravid, take your pick! Southgate finished on 153 for 3 to claim the first points of the season. The Bush players trudged off the pitch, clearly shocked and most probably contemplating retiring from cricket. But last year the 3s survived relegation by one point. This point could prove valuable as the season draws to a halt in September. Nadeem Mazhar

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4th XI

North London v Southgate

match cancelled, North London unable to raise a team.

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We thrash Edmonton

Tuesday 29 May – T20 match

Southgate v Edmonton

Southgate won by 46 runs

Southgate 171-5 (20)

Johnson 115*

Edmonton 125-6 (20)

T20 cricket is akin to the Hunger Games. The ECB created the Games for the masses, to remind them that before this happened, life would be as exciting as Mark Richardson’s century in the second innings at Lord’s in May 2004. That is 435 minutes I won’t be getting back. They introduce spurious powerplays and timeouts, such that the zip and finesse of the following batsman taking guard before his slain colleague has left the field, or fielding sides running between overs, have been lost to overeager sponsorship. It’s one long corporate procession from the IPL, to the Jubilee, to the Olympics.

Fortunately for Buckingham, their Jubilee celebrations are presided over by a man who has been growing his hair since 1952 and are sponsored by Used Car Expert. http://www.buckinghamtoday.co.uk/news/local/town-gets-in-the-jubilee-spirit-1-3868663

What could be more exciting? (Part of me thinks I might quite liked to have been a journalist and then I see sh!t like that and am glad I tried at school.)

Rob asked me to write 300 words on Tuesday night’s match against Edmonton, but you’ll be glad to hear I’m up to 200 already, so I won’t bore you for too long with the details.

Southgate inserted themselves and within minutes Durgacharan was flicking the opener off his legs in typical fashion. Dunnett was having none of this carefree attitude and promptly ran him out. Good thing too, for there then followed as good a T20 partnership as I have been witness to. Johnson patiently waiting to dispatch the bad ball, Dunnett hitting very straight and the two of them running hard between wickets turning 2s into 3s and 1s into 2s. Johnson’s 115 not out was as good as I have seen him bat in 12 years of watching. There followed a minor wobble, but going at 10s for the first 12 overs, allowed Southgate the chance to regroup, before posting 171/5 in 20 overs, above par for the pitch, but below midway expectations.

In reply, the offspin pair of Muir and Williams opened up, with the latter taking three quick wickets to build pressure immediately. Bajwa and Robinson took over offspin duties at first and second change, keeping boundaries to a minimum as the light faded. It was clear Edmonton were less well drilled – not once did they push for two to the outfielders, for example, but they still made is to 125/6.  A solid victory overall, but we will have to sharpen up in the field when (inevitably) we’ll face Winchmore Hill for a place in the Final. Paddy Robinson

Results 26 May

Trees toil in the sun

1st XI

Teddington v Southgate

Teddington won by 10 wickets

Southgate 212-7 (60 oves)

Alvin Durgacharan 60

Teddington 213-0 (46.2overs)

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2nd XI

Southgate v Edmonton

Match drawn

Edmonton 253-4 (50 overs)

Southgate 134-9 (50 overs)

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3rd XI

Southgate v Shepherds Bush

match drawn

Shepherds Bush 314-5 dec(?? overs)

Southgate 153-3 (?? overs)

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4th XI

North London v Southgate

match cancelled, North London unable to raise a team.

match reports to ronhewit@gmail.com by Wednesday please

Bugle 02 – 19 May

Thanks to Mike Carter for his pithy summary and to exams-fresh Paul Lassman for his match report this week. If anyone does want to write a report on the 1st XI match, and I’m sure there are good stories to be told, you know where to send them

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1st XI – Trees uprooted by Strictly hoofer

Stanmore v Southgate

Stanmore won by 6 wickets

Southgate 205 all out (65.3 overs)

Jouning 67

Stanmore 210-4 (55 overs)

Anwar 105*

M Ramprakash 56

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Lisa Snowdon - insert own fine leg joke here

2nd XI – Professor Paul Lassman proves how Sage’s army (with help from Lisa Snowdon) sunk South Hampstead

Southgate v South Hampstead

Southgate won by 8 wickets

South Hampstead 136 all out (34.3 overs)

Carr 6-22, including a hatrick

Southgate 138-2 (33.5 overs)

Edrich 61

Having only just completed my final school exams, last Saturday was my first cricketing experience of the year. At first, it was a much welcomed change: I felt free, at ease, and the sun, albeit briefly, decided to shine. Now, however, at the outset of a match report, I realise that I am yet to fully escape the influence of school life, and have hence decided to retell the 2nd XI’s story in the style of an IB Diploma History essay, on the following question:

“The weakness of South Hampstead’s batting was the primary factor enabling the victory of Southgate Cricket Club 2nd XI by close of play on 19 May 2012”. With reference to both the aforementioned weakness, and other contributing factors, assess to what extent you agree with the claim.

68.3 overs into the second match of the season, a well-struck boundary from number-three bat Max Joseph pushed the Southgate total past South Hampstead’s stumbling 136, and completed a comprehensive eight-wicket victory. How were the Southgate team able to inflict such a crushing defeat? Through analysing the failure of the South Hampstead batsmen, the strength of the Southgate bowling, the carbohydrate-crammed tea and the devastating consequences of a certain virus on the laptop of the Southgate skipper, this essay searches for the key element that catalysed the victory and, in turn, catapulted the team to the top of the league.

The first thing to acknowledge is that South Hampstead actually started off rather well. A lack of the required primary sources (a scorebook comprising the fall of wickets, for example) makes the exact details difficult to establish, but a number of the Southgate team, witnesses at the time of the incident, conclude that South Hampstead had shot to somewhere in the 120s, 2 wickets down, after about 25 overs. Even the most conservative of estimate, therefore, infers that the visitors lost 8 wickets for 16 runs, in the space of about 10 overs. Many of this skittle of wickets came from poor shot selection, uncommitted drives and altogether pretty shabby stroke play. Perhaps Trotsky was wrong and it is in fact bad batting, not war, that is “the locomotive of history”.

At the heart of the Southgate bowling success was captain Adrian Carr, who finished with the outstanding figures of 6-22. However, as well as Adrian may indeed have bowled, I can’t quite accept that his skill alone was the cause of the collapse. The previous bowlers, particularly Josh Berman, Parinda Kuleratne and Suresh Kalagara, had also bowled well, the only difference being against batsman capable of hitting the ball off the square, hitting the ball along the ground, and, quite simply, hitting the ball at all. Thus, although the skipper’s contribution was both valued and key, one can’t help thinking that after the hard-hitting number four departed for 17, the rest of the line-up was bound to perish. Just as Chamberlain’s appeasement facilitated Hitler’s rise, but Hitler himself was the principal cause of WWII, Adrian’s bowling facilitated South Hampstead’s demise, but it was the weaknesses of their own batting that was altogether more significant.

With tea still in the oven, the sides ploughed through to play 16 overs of the Southgate innings before the break. Chasing 136, 53-1 was the halftime Southgate score; indeed a good start, but with a long, yet not particularly threatening tail, and memories of South Hampstead-esque collapses in their own side last year, the Southgate XI were far from complacent as they settled down to, well, the most magnificent hotchpotch of energy-packed nosh. The not-out batsmen Tom Edrich and Max Joseph piled plates high with bread and butter, cheesy, crunchy potato gratin and exquisite and plentiful slices of chocolate fudge cake. (For historical accuracy, there was also a generous bowl of salad, unfortunately omitted from the previous sentence for narrative purposes). The effect of such sustenance was instantaneous. Tom strode out to the middle, silencing quips of “can’t hit it off the square” with a glorious cover drive, and an even better straight hit that crashed, on the full, into the sightscreen for six. So fluent was his batting that, within twelve overs, the score had reached 114 and, upon his departure, it was left to the ever-reliable Joseph (49*) and 2nd team debutant Anton Devkamalth (6*) to see the side home. The batting, inspired by the tea, was certainly necessary. However, the South Hampstead total of 136 was well below par, and I maintain that the conditions that enabled victory had been already established in the first half of the match.

There is one final point of widespread consequence; the kind of anecdotal explanation that is, thankfully, so common in such historical studies. Captain Adrian arrived at the ground with only one second team cricket ball, locked out of his house in which the others were stored. “But why are you locked out, captain?” the team inquired. Hence followed a tale which can be surmised thus: Adrian followed some links to pictures of Lisa Snowdon, this activity resulted in a virus burrowing its way onto the captain’s computer, and, consequently, prompted his wife to ‘lock him out’. Two effects should be noted. The first, the Southgate team ended up bowling with a 3rd XI ball. Who can tell what impact this made, but perhaps the difference swung the match in Southgate’s favour. Second, and this is the key point, the catalyst for the victory, the Southgate 2nd team’s answer to the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand: a Lisa Snowdon quip from Josh Berman was delivered as Adrian was running in to bowl to the hard-hitting South Hampstead opener (64*) with the score on 120 something for 3. The insult inspired such fury in the bowler that a fast, devilish leg-side wide was delivered, prompting the batsman to leave his crease, and be comprehensively stumped by a lightning-fast Scott Ellis. This wicket was the first of an Adrian Carr hat-trick (the third also a leg-side stumping!) which swung the game comprehensively in Southgate’s favour. Thus, whereas the South Hampstead weaknesses enabled the collapse, I conclude that it was sparked by Berman’s laptop-related jibe.

The end goal of the historian is to analyse the past, in order to better understand the present and the future. Southgate are now nine points clear at the top of the league, and have completed two consecutive comprehensive victories. As Max Joseph attests, now is not the time for complacency; indeed we should not forget the Weimar Republic of the 1920s who “danced on a volcano”, only to fall in flames. Nevertheless, from what minimal evidence we have thus far collated, the future of the 2nd XI this year, I confidently conclude, is looking bright. Paul Lassman

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3rd XI – Uxbridge inflict crushing defeat

Uxbridge v Southgate

Uxbridge won by 7 wickets

Southgate 57 all out (26 overs)

D Huntingford 15*

Uxbridge 60-3 (16 overs)

D Gordon 2-10

Uxbridge v Southgate

Uxbridge won by seven wickets

Southgate 57 all out (26 overs)
D Huntingford 15*

Uxbridge 60 for 3 (16 overs)
D Gordon 2-10

A truly forgettable tale of defeat on a foreign pasture

The waters had receded, the grass had grown and been mown and six wooden pegs had been planted in the middle of a field, a long way away in a town called Uxbridge…

[Aside – without wishing to jinx the future possibility of dry Saturdays, the c-word will not be mentioned throughout]

Twenty-two men – each equipped with various tools and abilities – arrived at the field of battle, ready to lock arms in an epic struggle of good v not-so-good.

When the patriotic call of heads from the visiting commander was thwarted by a silver tail, an accurate barrage of stitched red projectiles rained down on the plucky band of merry men, so called by their insignia: the Trees.

For a while they were able to fend off the assault, but an unexpected flanking manoeuvre from a badelynge (look it up), left the visitors in tatters, with just one young soul by the name of Huntingford left cutting and slicing in the middle.

Needless to say, when the tables were turned and the counteroffensive began, the battered and wearied Trees were no match for a blade-wielding warrior named Fernandes – the main assailant who’d earlier ripped the heart from the defensive formation.

Some smart work from Decrescenzo, Marett and Gordon made sure the defeated took home a few scalps for their collection but, to conclude, the Trees were left ruing the day they tried to take the Bridge.  Mike Carter

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4th XI – match forfeited – Southgate unable to raise a team


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Bugle 02 – 19 May

Mark Ramprakash (left)

Results of Saturday’s league games

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1st XI – Ballroom dancing ex Test match batsman sinks Trees

Stanmore v Southgate

Stanmore won by 6 wickets

Southgate 205 all out (65.3 overs)

Jouning 67

Stanmore 210-4 (55 overs)

Anwar 105*

M Ramprakash 56

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2nd XI – Sage’s army sink South Hampstead

Southgate v South Hampstead

Southgate won by 8 wickets

South Hampstead 136 all out (34.3 overs)

Carr 6-22, including a hatrick

Southgate 138-2 (33.5 overs)

Edrich 61

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3rd XI – Uxbridge inflict crushing defeat

Uxbridge v Southgate

Uxbridge won by 7 wickets

Southgate 57 all out (26 overs)

D Huntingford 15*

Uxbridge 60-3 (16 overs)

D Gordon 2-10

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4th XI – result unknown

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match reports to ronhewit@gmail.com by close of play Wednesday


SCC Golf Day – Wed 13 June


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SCC Golf Society Day

This annual event is taking place this year at South Herts Golf Club in Links Drive, Totteridge N20 at 1.30 pm on Wednesday 13 June, followed by dinner.

The day is open to all members and friends of Southgate Cricket Club who play golf at a handicap level of up to 28 for men and 36 for women. If you are aware of any others who might be interested in playing please pass on the invitation and let me know.

The format will be the same as last year with a team and individual stapleford competitions.

The price is £60, the same as previous years, and this includes the golf and a three-course dinner. It is also possible to play a warm-up 9 holes in the morning for an additional £10. Payment should be made on the day, if possible by cheque.

Gerald Wingrove – gerald.wingrove@sky.com – is organising the event. Let him know as soon as possible if you want to play and if you wish to play the additional 9 holes.

Please let him know if you want to take part before Friday 8 June, and final confirmation of the extra 9 holes before Wed 6 June.

Here is a link to the course

www.southhertsgolfclub.co.uk <http://www.southhertsgolfclub.co.uk/>

All replies or further questions to Gerald Wingrove, who is organising the event. Address here and ccd above. Do not reply to me.

gerald.wingrove@sky.com

Bugle 01 – 12 May

Welcome to the first Bugle of the league season. Enjoy

1st XI taste defeat in first fixture of the Premier League

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2nd XI destroy Ickenham thanks to multi-plate teatime tactics. Astonishingly detailed teatime report follows…

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1st XI
Southgate v Finchley
Finchley won by 3 wickets

Southgate 63 all out (41.3 overs)
Finchley 64-7 (19 overs)

report to come.

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2nd XI

Ickenham v Southgate

Southgate won by seven wickets

Ickenham 179 all out (53.2 overs)
A Carr 14-52-3

Southgate 183 for 3 (39.4 overs)
S Ellis 77

Due to the tribulations of last season and the limited preparation we’d been afforded by the weather, Southgate 2nd XI were a little cagey before Saturday’s game. However, the way in which we dispatched our fellow relegatees (SpellCheck is telling me that’s not a word, but I’m sticking with it) should give us plenty of confidence to take into our next fixture.

Morale was given an early boost when Bob Cole kindly offered to officiate for us in the wake of his panel match being rained off. It was a welcome change from having to send a player to umpire at square leg, so on behalf of the 2nd XI I’d like to thank Mr Cole very much for his contribution.

Early inspections revealed the pitch to be remarkably hard at either end considering recent downpours, but the middle third had clearly been rained on. This meant that a full ball could be driven with confidence, but a short one could do anything. Thus A Carr’s first task as captain was to win the toss and insert the home side, which he did with aplomb.

D Woffinden demonstrated his trademark control and O Ali (2 for 58 from 18 overs) quickly found the rhythm with which he bowled throughout last season. A sharp stumping from S Ellis provided Southgate with a superb start and Ickenham found scoring options limited. Their number three quickly resorted to hoiking D Woffinden over cow corner, and for a time over half of Ickenham’s total had come from 6s. It seemed the inevitable conclusion of this passage of play would be Woffers having his man caught, but in fact it ended when the uninhibited batsmen (read “slogger”) hit one back at the bowler like a tracer bullet. Woffinden got a hand to it and instantly regretted doing so as he trudged off the field with a dislocated finger and figures of 5.4-15-2.

S Kalagara came on to complete the over and went on to finish with figures of 2 for 38 from 15.4 overs. He was making his league debut for Southgate and he achieved this admirable performance despite his boots capitulating mid spell. The silver lining to the cloud of losing our opening bowler was that we had a replacement set of spikes. A Carr was the fourth bowler into the attack and he continued to the death, which meant he suffered a little at the hands of the low-order axe wielders, but he did pick up three wickets.

Wickets didn’t really fall together until the end, but were taken regularly enough to mean that Ickenham were never able to get away from us. It was also encouraging to see the wickets spread between the bowlers, as Ali often shouldered the wicket-taking last year. P Robinson wrapped up the innings with a run out leaving the home side 179 all out. If all that sounds like it was a perfect performance then I have mislead you – there were numerous dropped catches, proving there is plenty of work to be done in training in the coming weeks. We were, however, in a strong position.

After dusting ourselves down in the changing room the 10 men of Southgate went to tea to find Woffers had returned to the fray. One of his fingers was encased in a shiny plastic box that looked as though it had come from the P Diddy range of hospital supplies, but his other hand held a recently compiled plate of tea. The teas were of a pretty good standard: there was a good sandwich to sweet ratio and sufficient quantities of each element. The highlight was the plate of strawberry and whipped cream tartlets. The only drawback was the size of the plates – someone commented that it was like trying to eat your dinner off a CD – but a few of the bowlers solved this problem and rewarded themselves for a job well done by employing a multi-plate solution.

Southgate’s run chase was the steady and accomplished effort that the 2nd XI was missing for most of last season. S Ellis and P Robinson opened the innings and had seen off the opening bowlers and got the score to above 40 before Paddy fell for 13, a dismissal that owed more to some irregular bounce than skill from the bowler. That brought M Joseph (30) to the crease and he and S Ellis (77) put on close to 100 for the secnd wicket, before falling in quick succession. Ellis’s innings was well paced – caution at the beginning giving way to some brutal hitting in the latter stages. T Edrich (33 n.o.) and M Hughes (7 n.o.) then came to the wicket and calmly knocked off the remaining runs with eight overs to spare.

As this game was between the two relegated sides from last season it can’t be considered a good guide of how Southgate will fair in this new division, but it is certainly a good start and one that we can take confidence from. Max Joseph

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3rd XI
Southgate v Kenton
match abandoned

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4th XI
Perivale v Southgate
match abandoned

Week 1 league results

1st XI  – Trees get the chop on return to the Premier League

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2nd X1 – A welcome win for Sage’s troops

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Weather gets the better of the 3s and 4s

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Results for league matches Saturday 12 May

1st XI
Southgate v Finchley
Finchley won by 3 wickets

Southgate 63 all out (41.3 overs)
Finchley 64-7 (19 overs)

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2nd XI
Ickenham v Southgate
Southgate won by 7 wickets

Ickenham 179 all out (52.4 overs)
Southgate 183-3 (39.4 overs)
S Elliss 77

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3rd XI
Southgate v Kenton
match abandoned

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4th XI
Perivale v Southgate
match abandoned
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Read all about it on the website later in the week. Match reports to ronhewit@gmail.com

How to win the Scribbler of the Year

Hoff and puppies

Yes, fact fans, it’s that time of the year again. Just a few boring months of cricket to go before the annual Scribbler of the Year will be known.

It’s not the winning or the taking part that counts, the most important thing about the new season is writing the match report (and recording who took the catches – just ask Ricky Gunn about that if you have a spare hour). Yes, once again the Scribbler of the Year trophy is up for grabs. All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning the club’s most prestigious trophy is to write a match report – preferably a match that you played in but, hell, we’re not that fussy at Bugle HQ. And it can be any match – a league game, a cup game, a Sunday friendly, anything as long as a Southgate team is one of the teams taking part. Once written, send it to me – ronhewit@gmail.com or ron.hewit@radiotimes.com – and I’ll post it in the weekly Bugle on this very website.

A panel of distinguished judges will then have the task of deciding who has written the best match report of the season and the winner will be presented with the trophy at the club supper later in the year. Simples. Please note that the judges are open to offers of bribery.

Here is last year’s winner Jamie Jouning with some tips on how to win the Scribbler.

  1. Ignore the Hoff at your peril. Even if the Hoff’s contribution in the scorebook appears minimal at best, please do not ignore the many, varied and subtle influences that is his presence is certain to have had on the outcome of the match
  2. Sun, sun, sun. Only agree to write a Hoff match report if the sun is shining on match day. No sun and you’ve lost half your material.  The top will stay on, the Hawaiian Tropic will not factor, the “wrong side of tight” white rugby shorts will remain folded neatly in the kit bag and no natural sunbathing position will be assumed.
  3. Focus, focus, focus. The cricket itself is almost immaterial. Focus on the Hoff and the Hoff alone. You won’t win the Scribbler with didactic post match analysis.
  4. Formality. When writing about the Hoff make sure that you do so in only the most reverential of terms. It sometimes help to imagine that you are reporting on an event of equal standing: a Royal Coronation, a Papal visit or the induction of Presidential candidate, perhaps.
  5. Hyperbole. Never be afraid to exaggerate. If the Hoff does hit a six, take a wicket, catch a catch, then you can bet your life that it will be of the “extraordinary”, “never seen before”, “remarkable”, “out of this world” variety.

It goes without saying that even if you can’t invoke the name of Ben Hartman in your match report, for instance if he wasn’t actually playing for the 4th XI v Perivale Pensioners, don’t let that stop you doing so anyway.

More tips!

Extra credit will be given for originality. For saying who won or even who was playing who within the first 500 words. For simply deleting the 1000 words you took describing how you got to the ground and who was late for what ever reason. For mentioning at great length what was laid on for tea and who ate what.

And most importantly of all

Filing the match report on time. Copy to me by the Wednesday following the match. Failure to do so will result in me getting the hump.

Have a good season everyone. I’m hoping for rain myself

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