The annual Southgate Cricket Club presentation evening took place at the club on Friday the 18th of November.
The attendance was somewhat depleted in comparison to previous seasons but nonetheless those who were able to make it enjoyed a good evening.
Winners of awards for 2011 were as follows:
Hawker Trophy – Matthew Creese
Chris Stevenson ‘Rocket’ Trophy – Matthew Creese (510 league runs)
Derek Honnor Bowling Cup – Adrian Car (44 League wickets)
Colin Done Young Cricketer of the year – Ashley Sivarajah
Martin Fletcher Clubman of the year – Rob Johnson
Dunkirk Award – Phil Dunnett
Geoff Slipper Spirit of Cricket Award – Alan Rolt
The Scribbler – Jamie Jouning
Piano Award – Paul Lassman
A true highlight of the evening was Paddy Robinson’s piano speech which was delivered in his absence by Rob Johnson for those who missed it please read on:
Anyone who has cast a lazy eye over my match reports down the years will know how little attention is paid to the cricket itself. This award will follow a similar trend, being not at all related to the field of play.
I say lazy eye, for surely nothing else can explain the multitude of dropped catches, play and misses or wide balls that have been witnessed at grounds across Middlesex…and that is just speaking for your correspondent’s own afflictions.
Anyway, I digress.
Imagine if you can, a damp and balmy evening in November. People across the country are gathering to celebrate the traditional British family pastime of burning a Catholic.
The Gunns and Gordons sporting fine fluorescent jackets from such illustrious merchants as “British Rail”, were joined by Paul Lassman sporting a do worthy of One Direction, Phil Dunnett sporting a sick note from Leeds General Infirmary STD clinic and The Robinsons and Allans sporting a fine layer of flour, eggs and sugar.
In the gathering gloom, the hardy volunteers eagerly awaited to hear their role for the evening.
Like an Olympics gamesmaker praying for towel attendant to the women’s diving final (or – and I suppose one must be inclusive these days – Ben Hartman craving flour bowl filler upper in the 110kg men’s weightlifting), Paul Lassman was hoping for crowd control with a great view of the fireworks at 8pm.
Instead, he was pointed in the direction of the men’s toilets, where someone had kindly left a seat, for his comfort.
I’m not quite sure what he was there to keep an eye on, or even an ear on. I will leave various scenarios that must have gone through the organisers’ mind to your own imagination, but with many thousands of people to pass through, I think the repetition of noise would make me wonder why I hadn’t just paid to go to Potter’s Bar.
Needless to say, the view of the fireworks was not going to be great.
For hours the soldier guarded his post as battle raged around him, the odour licking him like flames. An extract from a poem describing such heroics of a French boy aboard a burning ship at the Battle of the Nile in 1798, sums it up eloquently…
The boy stood on the burning deck
Whence all but he were final;
The flame that lit the battle’s wreck
Shone round him o’er the urinal.
Yet beautiful and bright he stood,
As born to rule the storm;
A creature of heroic blood,
A proud, though childlike form.
The flames roll’d on…he would not go
Without his team leader’s word;
That team leader, faint in firework glow,
His voice no longer heard.
He call’d aloud…”Say, team leader, say
If yet my task is done!”
He knew not that the chieftain’s pay
Had bought him some candy floss and two of Daphne’s fine cheese buns.
“Speak, team leader!” once again he cried
“If I may yet be gone!”
And but the booming shots replied,
And fast the Catherine Wheels roll’d on.
Then in his mind of deep discord,
And in his waving hair,
He thought, “For this shit, I’d better be in with a shout of the PIANO award”,
In still yet brave despair.
Well, as luck would have it his thought was quite correct, as, PIANO FORTE, Paul Is Apparently Not Overly Fond Of Repeated Toilet Eavesdropping.