As spring approaches and thoughts turn to the new cricket season, many players will be hoping to make an impact on the pitch. Maybe you dream of scoring a match-winning innings, or yearn to bowl faster than ever before. Perhaps you’re simply resolving to save runs in the field this year rather than giving them away.
Others still dream of winning the Scribbler of the Year Award because, let’s face it, while you may think you can score a century or take a five-for every other weekend the harsh reality is that you won’t. Ever. But for you, yes you, there is a foolproof way of making a mark in the Southgate CC archives – by writing a match report.
We can all read and write (insert own joke here) so there’s nothing to stop you winning the award kindly donated last year by Derek Honnor to celebrate the rich diversity of writing talent that lurks in the club.
And if you’re still not convinced, here’s champion scribe Patrick Robinson with some words of advice…
“As proud holder of the desperatelyinneedofapolish Scribbler of the Year trophy, I’ve been commissioned at no expense whatsoever to write a brief guide to producing a match report. In no particular order, this is what you must do
Don’t write too much about the cricket. It’s such a boring game. Eh? Oh.
The Big Society: your captain will greatly appreciate an offer to write the report. Alternatively, turn up last to the meet time and you may as well start jotting a few notes down on your way in.
Accept criticism graciously. Then ignore it.
Ex-captains are immune from attack.
Don’t Google club members, as all kinds of questions are thrown up: wikipedia.org/wiki/Jamie_Wilson
Similes create visual images, succinctly helping to illustrate the point you are trying to make, eg chest hair like velcro (Singleton), batting with the urgency of a sloth (Robinson), as sharp as a beachball in the field (multiple holders…)
Make sure to mention notable moments from the match for posterity, 50s, five-fors, catches by Doug Gordon.
Unofficial awards can really engender a sense of belonging within a team, eg the Faisal Mir Award for Loyalty (Woffinden)
If your report doesn’t go down well with the masses, like any North African despot worth their salt/oil reserves, use force.”
Patrick Robinson 2011, all rights reserved, no copying, hands off
So what happens next? Well obviously you have to wait until a game has been played (although no one at Bugle HQ is ruling out the possibility of an entirely fictitious report being uploaded, or indeed winning the prize). All you have to do is file your reports to me – email@example.com – by 6pm on the Monday following the matches and they will appear as if by magic on this website soon afterwards. And if you’re very very good you may win the Scribbler of the Year Award 2011.